


I Don't Love You (like I did yesterday)

by ThatWinchesterGirl67



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Affairs, Angst, Cheating, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, Feelings Realization, Forbidden Love, Heavy Angst, Pre-Canon, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:22:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26534296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatWinchesterGirl67/pseuds/ThatWinchesterGirl67
Summary: Addison Montgomery watches her marriage start to crumble around her, feeling helpless to save it when her husband, Derek Shepherd, is barely around enough to have a conversation about the situation. She turns to her long time friend - and her husband's best friend - Mark Sloan for comfort but finds more than she ever bargained for. She knows if she continues down this path with Mark, she can never come back from it.
Relationships: Addison Montgomery/Derek Shepherd, Addison Montgomery/Mark Sloan
Comments: 6
Kudos: 6





	I Don't Love You (like I did yesterday)

**Author's Note:**

> So welcome to my new fic! This story will be following Addison and Mark's affair back in New York because as much as it's talked about in the show we never quite find out how it went down. This fic is going to get very angsty and very smutty but I hope I've done Addison and Mark's relationship justice. Also, each chapter will contain lyrics at the beginning and end that fit with the tone of the story and I have made a playlist that contains all these songs plus more so if you want a link to it let me know! I've been really enjoying planning and writing this fic so I hope you will enjoy reading it just as much :)

_Too tired to tell you I ain't coming home_

_Stop for a second_

_Guess I got caught up in leading you on_

_But I ain't responsible_

_For the lump in your throat_

_Haven't you had enough of all of this?_

_Haven't you had enough of loneliness?_

_~~~_

Mark took the front steps up to the house two at a time and quickly rang the doorbell pulling the collar of his jacket up against the cold. It was late in the day and the sky had been dark with the threat of rain all day but it was now starting to pour down around him. When Addison had called him just before he had left the hospital and asked him to come over to the house he had come straight over. Derek and Addison were supposed to be having dinner that night but when Mark was leaving he noticed Derek's name on the O.R board and Addison had sounded upset on the phone. It was the anniversary of the first time they had properly met in that library back in med school. Mark still remembered the date from being around them every year when they celebrated and the fact that he had practically shoved Derek out of his chair in the library that day just to get him to go and talk to Addison. He always bragged about being the only reason Derek had the guts to talk to her in the end and had started his best man speech with _"You can all thank me for you being here today."_

"Mark!" Addison flung the front door open and stepped out of the way to let Mark in out of the rain. She smiled as she reached up to hug him, careful not to spill the glass of wine in her hand but he didn't miss the slight sway in her movements. She was wearing one of her glamorous black dresses - it was almost floor-length and the silky material hugged tight to her body - and her makeup was done perfectly but he could see her heels discarded on the floor behind her. She had clearly already been dressed when Derek called to cancel.

"Hey, Addie." Mark smiled back wrapping his arms around her. When he leaned in he could smell her sweet rose-scented perfume mixed with the strong smell of her red wine.

Mark kept one hand on her arm to balance her when she pulled away and watched the contents of her glass slosh close to the rim, narrowly avoiding spilling onto the hardwood floors. It clearly wasn't her first glass and the whole thing stuck out as a red flag to Mark. He had seen her drink a lot before, even seen her partying back in med school but Addison never filled her wine glasses close to the top. Mark had always guessed it was because of Bizzy. 

They had all been out to dinner together as a group once and Bizzy had berated Addison in front of everyone for filling her glass too much, claiming it was "unladylike to drink excessively in public." After that Addison had always been careful, like she was afraid to be criticized again. Bizzy was a hypocrite. Mark had always thought that. She had shamed Addison for drinking "excessively" and yet he had never seen her without a glass in her hand. The Forbes-Montgomery's might have been a family of borderline alcoholics but they did it with etiquette. After all, they had a reputation to uphold and they couldn't have anyone threatening that. 

"I brought food from the takeaway down the road," Mark said lifting up the paper bag of food he was holding in his hand.

"Oh, Mark you're a lifesaver." Addison sighed and leaned in quickly to kiss his cheek. The food from the Chinese restaurant near the house had always been their favourite to get when they spent time together. Derek had always hated it, claiming that it was greasy and unhealthy, so Addison could only ever get it with Mark. It became a habit to them whenever they were alone. "Why don't you head into the sitting room, I'll grab plates and cutlery from the kitchen. Would you like a drink? You can open Derek's whiskey if you like."

"I'm pretty sure Derek would kill me if I touched his unopened bottle of whiskey." Mark laughed making his way into the room. He took off his leather jacket and hung it over the back of the couch before sitting down.

"Well, it's not as if he's home enough to notice if it had been opened." There was a slight laugh in her voice and Addison's tone was lighthearted but Mark could sense the weight behind the words.

Things hadn't been easy between Addison and Derek recently and Mark wasn't blind to it. He could see the toll it was taking on both of his friends. Derek had been distant even from Mark and had completely thrown himself into work, doing surgery after surgery. Most nights he now slept in an on-call room in the hospital and he was rarely home anymore. Addison, on the other hand, seemed sad all of the time. Even in the hospital she just seemed lost. Like she was drowning in everything that was going on and couldn't find her way out. Mark didn't want to push her to talk if she wasn't ready but he was starting to worry about her.

"Well, I'll just have some of whatever you're drinking," Mark called out to Addison who had now made her way into the kitchen.

When she walked back into the living room she had the plates and cutlery in her hand as well as a new wine glass for Mark. Mark recognised the bottle of the expensive red wine tucked under Addison's arm, it was a Cabernet Sauvignon,one of her favourites and he had bought her a bottle for her birthday earlier that year. Addison set it all down on the table and sat down on the couch. As she settled back into the corner of the couch she tucked her dress up underneath herself.

"You look stunning by the way," Mark said leaning forward to grab a plate off the table.

"Thank you. Maybe you can tell my husband that the next time you see him because this was meant to be for him." Addison sighed stabbing her fork at the food she had just poured out onto her plate.

"Addison, are you okay?" Mark asked turning around so he was fully facing her.

"Am I okay? Yeah, I'm okay. That's what I keep telling everyone. But am I actually alright? Am I happy? Now that's a different question."

"I'm so sorry Addie, I can't even begin to imagine how hard this must be on you," Mark said and she could hear the sincerity in his voice.

"Well, I suppose when I married someone who I knew was going to become a world-class surgeon I should've known he wouldn't be wouldn't be home a lot." Addison tried to smile as she spoke, tried to push down whatever feelings had started to surface when she began talking. Her voice cracked and Mark could see straight through it. 

"Addison, all three of us are world-class surgeons, but the difference is we are sitting here while Derek is at the hospital. He's my best friend but he doesn't deserve you making excuses for him. You deserve better than this."

Addison nodded, not trusting herself to speak around the lump in her throat. She knew she was drunk and she knew if let herself feel it she would cry, and she didn't want to cry. Not over this and not now. She tried to clear her throat and took another sip of her wine.

As if he could sense the whirlpool of thoughts spinning through her mind Mark reached over and took her plate out her hand placing it down on the table before taking her hand in his. That was all it took. Addison lifted her free hand to her face and roughly brushed the tears away with the back of her hand, smearing mascara across her cheeks.

"Oh Red." Mark sighed, his voice softening on the nickname. It had started out as a name to tease her with back in med school but over the years it had stuck as an affectionate nickname. He pulled Addison closer to him, wrapping his arm around her and letting her rest her head on his chest.

"I'm sorry, I'm such a mess." Addison sniffled trying to recompose her herself but as she drew in a deep breath it caught in her throat and she let out a sob that made her shake against Mark. She turned her head and buried her face in his shoulder as she cried.

"Shush, Addie, shush," Mark said gently, smoothing his hand over her hair. "You're not a mess. You're beautiful. And yes you're going through a hard time right now but you're allowed to fall apart. Okay? I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere."

After a while, the rhythmic stroking of her hair and Mark's soothing words had started to calm her breathing and Addison looked up at Mark with puffy red eyes. Tears still welled up in the corner of her eyes but they had slowed. She didn't know if it was alcohol thrumming through her veins or the mixed emotions of the whole situation but something inside her was telling her to lean up and press her lips against his. She definitely blamed the alcohol when she gave in to the feeling. She twisted her hands into the front of his shirt and tried to steady herself as she slowly leaned in.

Once Mark realised what was about to happen he grasped her hands that had been planted on his chest in his own and gently pushed her away. When her eyes met his there was a look of confusion and sadness behind heavily smudged mascara and eyeliner. 

"I thought-"

"Addison, you're married to my _best friend_. Plus you're drunk and I don't want you waking up tomorrow morning and regretting this. I couldn't do that to either of you." Mark explained slowly not wanting to hurt Addison more than she already had been

"Oh right, married. Barely." Addison scoffed. With how intensely she was staring at the wedding rings on her finger Mark wondered for a second if she was about to rip them off. "I doubt if I had been any other woman you would have even thought to look for a damn ring."

Mark was taken aback by the sudden bitterness in her voice and it seemed so was she. Addison let out a shocked gasp and stood up off the couch. He could clearly see the guilt of her own words written across her face.

"I'm so - I'm so sorry." She brought her hand up to cover her mouth and suddenly the tears were flooding down her cheeks again. "I'm drunk I- just ignore me."

"Addison." Mark reached out to catch Addison's hand again but she just shook her head and took another step backwards. She narrowly avoided tripping over the coffee table before managing to catch her balance again. He hated seeing her like this, he didn't blame her for what she said. Not at all. She was drunk and upset and had no control over what she was saying.

"You should go Mark." She couldn't even bring herself to look him in the eye as she spoke. Her voice shook and Mark could see the effort it was taking her to fight back another sob that was threatening to spill out. 

"I don't want to leave you here alone like this." Mark insisted. He couldn't leave knowing she was like this, the guilt of it wouldn't let him sleep if he did. She was in no state to be alone.

"Just go." Addison's voice was pleading when she spoke again. She was staring at her mostly untouched food on the table through tears that blurred her vision. "If I plan to do anything else stupid, I'll call Naomi." 

With that Addison turned around and disappeared upstairs leaving a stunned Mark sitting on the couch. 

~~~

Addison reached across the bed and blindly searched around until her hand landed on the alarm clock, the constant beeping that was ringing in her ears finally stopped. She definitely regretted that second bottle of wine now, hell she regretted the first glass after what happened the night before.

She had been devastated when Derek called to cancel yet another dinner in favour of surgery. She was hoping that for once they could have a night out like they used to, that they could talk like an actual married couple but instead she got what she had grown used to over the past few months. After that, she couldn't bring her to go to dinner by herself and had called Mark.

What she had tried to do had been impulsive and Mark was right, had she actually done it she would have woken up completely ashamed. As it was she felt awful. Not even for what she had tried to do but for snapping at Mark when he was just trying to be responsible and for pushing him away when he just wanted to help. She told herself at the time that she didn't know what was driving her to do it but now, lying in bed the next morning painfully sober, she knew. 

Mark was doing exactly what she needed. Exactly what Derek hadn't in months. He had held her, he was there to comfort her when she needed it the most and had soothed her. He had said everything she needed to hear, told her she was beautiful and that it was okay to feel everything had been building up around her and suffocating her for weeks now. It was simple, she had mistaken finally being shown the attention she needed for attraction in her drunken state. After all, it was Mark, he had never been anything more than a good friend.

She knew now that she needed to apologise to Mark. He didn't deserve her outburst at him. Glancing at the clock she realised she was already running late for work and she let out a heavy sigh. She showered as quickly as she could, part of her hoping it would wash away her painful hangover, and threw on the first dress she pulled out of her wardrobe. 

She dreaded the mess that would be waiting for her as she walked down the stairs. She had never come back downstairs after leaving Mark sitting there alone and the plates and take out containers would still be sitting on the table. Bypassing the living room she headed straight for the kitchen to make her morning cup of coffee for the ride to work. She wouldn't be able to function without it today.

As she stood by the counter waiting for the coffee to brew she noticed clean dishes by the sink that she didn't remember washing up and she nearly always put the dishes into the cupboard straight away. She brushed it off, blaming her bad memory on all the stress she had been under recently and poured the coffee into her travel flask.

She walked across the hall to the living room to retrieve her handbag before leaving for work but she stopped in her tracks when she pushed the door open. The table was perfectly clean with no sign of the food from the previous night and Addison's bag was sitting right in the middle of the table despite her having left it in the corner of the room. 

When she made her way further into the room she saw it. Mark was asleep on the couch with his jacket folded under his head as a pillow. He had stayed to make sure she was okay after all. Addison could feel her heart swell in her chest and a smile broke out across her face. She walked over and gently ran her fingers through Marks messy hair making him stir slightly in his sleep. She wanted to wake him, to apologise for everything that had happened and to thank him for staying but he looked so peaceful and she was already late. Looking down at the cup in her hand she had an idea.

~~~ 

Mark slowly opened his eyes against the harsh sunlight streaming in through the windows and pushed himself upright. His neck was tense from the awkward angle he had slept at and his back cracked when he stretched out his arms. He looked down at the table and smiled at what he saw. Sitting on the table was one of Addison's travel flasks with a sticky note that read _"I'm sorry about last night. Thank you for staying. - Addie."_

Mark picked up the flask and took a sip of the contents. Coffee, just the way Mark liked it.

~~~

_I love you like you've never felt the pain, I'll wait_

_I promise you don't have to be afraid, I'll wait_

_Love is here, and here to stay_

_So lay your head on me_

**Author's Note:**

> You can also find me on Tumblr @ThatWinchesterGirl67, feel free to chat with me or send me some requests!


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